Category Archives: Honesty

Avoiding the “One More Time” Syndrome

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“The Army doesn’t give medals for missing your kid’s first step, or Little League games.” GEN Shelton relates this nugget that he heard as a young officer from one of his commanding officers, Lieutenant Colonel Old.  As GEN Shelton relates, LT COL Old helped him remember that one of the most critical decisions you make is one as part of a family and as a parent and spouse.  LT COL Old continued, “But the thing  you have to watch out for is the one more time syndrome.  I know you love those kids. But the night the CG (Commanding General) is due to drop by and you tell yourself, ‘Just this one time I’ve got to stay late because it’s so important’- or when you’re about to walk out that door and you get word the Coast Guard got deployed and you’ve got no boats for the next morning’s exercise-those are the ones that’ll sneak up on you.” (page 117 of Without Hesitation: The Odyssey of an American Warrior)

As I think about GEN Shelton’s illustration,  I think that integrity in decision making is made up of the hundreds of different decisions, large and small that occur in our daily lives.  It’s not just the big decisions that demand integrity and alignment with our priorities, it’s the multiple small decisions, like bringing work home late or missing family events that can degrade integrity in one’s personal life.

5 Key Thoughts and Principles of Leadership (Part 5 of 5)

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This is the last in the series of key thoughts and principles of leadership from an interview with a CEO.  You can find the previous key thoughts and principles below:

Part 1: Know Who You Are     Part 2: Be a Listener/Listen Broadly

Part 3: Courage and Attitude   Part 4: What is your Philosophy of Leadership

5-COMMUNICATION-What do you believe in and how can you communicate that most effectively?  You say more by saying less. Be authentic and genuine. We all can learn a lot and do a better job with this.  Style never displaces substance.  you have to avoid the situation where your team says…”Pass me the hemlock please”.  You have to work on your communication skills all the time-you always can improve.  You deploy the right style with the right audience , then tailor the message-length, style, substance.

Are leaders and great communicators born or made? I get this question a lot.  I believe that lots of leadership skills that can be learned. Even if you are not wired that way-you can get over that.

Two questions you need to ask yourself:

1-Before you say anything that is emotionally charged, ask yourself “Is what I am about to say necessary?” I have to ask you…If you sit in meetings, how much commentary would not pass that test?    Ask yourself, “Will what I am about to say advance the discussion, add a new dimension that matters and is relevant and important OR is what I have to say a regurgitation of what others have said?”   If what you want to say needs to be backed up, it is necessary. But if it is argumentative for sake of disagreeing, you don’t do it. This works in families as well.

2-Is what I am about to say, kind?  I mean this in an exploratory and inquiry based way, not sugar and spice.  How you say things is more important than what you are going to say.  Will you say it in the right way and will it be constructive or destructive?  How many times have we seen a relevant point delivered in the wrong way?

 

 

 

 

 

 

5 Key Thoughts and Principles of Leadership (part 4 of 5)

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(Note-you can find the first post that outlines the background of this series here and here. This is the fourth in the series.

4-WHAT IS YOUR PHILOSOPHY OF LEADERSHIP? The CEO I listened to noted this as a cornerstone of leadership: ” I believe in lots of servant leadership. I try when people come in and sit down, I ask a 5 word question-“How can I help you?” (NOT What do you want?).  I mean that-think about how those words sound.  This sets the stage from the start.  People come to you because they may be anxious, fearful, afraid of you or what you might do.  I get it but I don’t get it.”

“You have to create an environment where you can get at the issue and solving it.  It is at the core of servant leadership.  It is a primary job to serve.   If you are not deploying your skils in the service of others or the organization, you will be less effective.  History is filled with all sorts of leadership styles-fear ultimately destroys the leader and those around him or her, even if the cause was righteous.”

Five Key Thoughts and Principles of Leadership (Part 3 of 5)

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(Note-you can find the first post that outlines the background of this series here and here. This is the third in the series.

3-COURAGE AND ATTITUDE- Let me share something with you. Almost every leader likes people to be happy. I want everybody to be happy.  That is a positive and a detriment. But sometimes, you have to have the moral courage to make a decision that will disappoint and upset people.  If you are going to be a leader, you have to step up and put up.  You have to make the call.  There will be a percentage who will hate the decision and will try to mitigate, resist, or sabotage the decision.  It’s hard work and not easy to do.  I screw it up all the time because of blow back.

Remembering Our Fallen

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For many of us, next Monday signals the beginning of summer. Grilling outdoors, camping, vacation plans, lounging by the pool, final exams, graduations, and new beginnings. Yet, I urge all  of us to pause for a long moment to remember those brave men and women, who throughout our Nation’s history, have willingly stood in harm’s way, fought, and died in support of our country’s freedoms, ideals, and values.

We owe an immense and growing debt to these heroes and their families for their sacrifice.